Remembering Fake Faster Skier
As Junior Nationals Approach, it’s time to look back at the “Rules for Junior Nationals” from the (sadly) retired Fake Fasterskier. Email single rules for this year’s Presque Isle incarnation to johnnyklister@gmail.com
5. When your kid blames the alt., or the kick, or the soft snow, or their dry-hump bruises for why they skied like an ass-hat, refer to 4.
4. These are the most important races of your kids life. If they suck, they should just pack it in. They’ll never be a skiing success #fail
3. Some kid, from a state you didn’t even know had snow, is going to stomp on the hopes of your darling little Alaska Winter Star. via web
2a. You know that $ you gave your kid to buy an ugly-ass JO’s sweatshirt? Yeah. The Stratton kids are gonna fµ¢k¡πg take it. (See previous.)
2. The amount of time your kid spends learning to gamble will exceed the amount of time they actually spend skiing. via web
1. At the banquet, your precious J2 is going to learn all about the term “dry humping”. #lost-innocence
